Keeping the tradition

www.flickr.com

Life ' s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don ' t.
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy...
They just promised it would be worth it!

In a chronic bad holiday mood

For the past 4 years, the holiday season has found me habititually either starting a bad relationship, being in a bad relationship, getting out of a bad relationship or dealing with the aftermath of a bad relationship. One thing is quite clear to me; I am good at the not-so-good relationships. I know exactly where to find them and I'm the first one in line to sign up for the adventure. If a second round of ugliness is offered, I jump on it like it's the last train out of singledome. I am not going to do that next year. Somehow I am going to learn how to say no and be alone if that's what it takes. Being alone is where I end up anyway.

A sad tail.

We're going to do what???, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Monti and I have been living with Cynthia and Steve for the last couple of weeks. Some where along the way he has started attacking his tail at random moments and gnawing away at it. Cyn, being the ultra sensitive dog mom she is, insisted that I get his tail checked out just in case he has something embedded in it or a fungus growing on the skin. So, because I'm such a good dog mom, I made an appointment with the vet to get his tail checked out. After paying $55 to have a thermometer stuck up his rear and his tail looked at, the vet assured me that it's nothing. Just like I had thought in the first place. This picture was taken on the way to the vet. He must have known where he was going; it's written all over his face.

Clarity

The idea for the following list was snatched from the ever brilliant and eloquent Heidi Mae. :)

WHAT I'VE LEARNED...

*True kindness is still alive.

*I am capable of loving children who are not my own.

*It is impossible to fall in love with someone who is in love with them self.

*If I don't stand up for myself, no one will respect me enough to stand up for me.

*I need to start listening to my gut. It is dead on most of the time.

*I can talk to my grandma... REALLY talk to her.

*I love the country and I need a regular dose of it.

*I can cook for a man and it tastes good!

*There comes a time when I must part with my favorite shoes.

*My dog saves me from losing it most days.

*I have the power and ambition to change my body.

*Running keeps me sane.

*Time spent trying to convince someone of my worth is wasted time. Either they see it or they don't. If they see it, they'll do whatever it takes to keep me in their life.

*Appearance doesn't hold a candle to substance.

*Cloudy days make me happier than sunny days.

*I am a peacemaker and it gets me run over far too often.

*Believing in someone doesn't automatically make them believe in them self.

*I am far too willing to do too much for the wrong people and not willing enough to do things for those that deserve it.

*Getting ahead never happens.

*I'll take my handful of amazing friends over an impressive social circle any day!

*I care what other people think more than I should.

*Large social gatherings cause me so much anxiety that I feel like I might choke.

*As independent as I am, I still desperately want someone to take care of me.

*Slowly letting go of someone is so much more painful than cutting them off completely.

*My focus needs complete redirection to the things and people that really matter.

You're gonna wear it and you're gonna like it!

Pure Therapy

This is my work for the day. It's been simply lovely. The flood gates of creativity have been opened!

Christmas in Scottsdale

Cyn and I drove by this building in Scottsdale and had to take a picture. The reflection across the lake was stunning!

A new love... the spa

It's 7:52 a.m. I am already planning my escape from this 6 x 10 office to Starbucks for a cup full of comfort. I avoid drinking the coffee in our kitchen most days but today I find myself sitting without my usual Amore mug and desperate for something that resembles my daily dose of caffeine. I am not alone; Erika and Yolanda have spoke out against the quality of our coffee this morning and have requested a cup of jo if I do make it out the door. Anyway... enough about coffee and the significance of it in my life.

Friday afternoon Cyn and I jumped in my buggie and headed up to Scottsdale to live a life of luxury for an evening. Our first stop was Anthropologie at the Kierland Center in Scottsdale where every thing is outrageously priced. It's depressing when $40 buys you a plain cotton T-shirt. Absolutely LOVE everything in that store but haven't bought a thing yet. One purchase and I'd be broke. From the Kierland Center we drove to our posh accommodations at the Hyatt Regency where beauty engulfs every inch of space. By the time we arrived at our room we were both craving a filet mignon from Fleming's so off we went to indulge our taste buds. Fleming's can do nothing wrong in my eyes. Everything is absolutely delectable... filet mignon, asparagus, bearnaise sauce, lava cake... the deliciousness never ends!

Saturday morning began with coffee (first on my list of morning priorities), poached eggs, wheat toast and potatoes brought in by a nice little man. Gotta love room service.

Our hotel hosted a full spa experience. I gotta tell ya that it changed my life. The cleansing I felt was amazing. My mind was suddenly at peace; my body felt strong and my heart no longer hurt. It could be that it's all in my head; after all, does a steam room really have the ability to take away all that ails me? All I know is that a trip to the spa is going to be worked into my monthly self maintenance routine. The experience was absolutely heavenly.

Cyn and I were so caught up in the showers, steam rooms, saunas, mineral pools and hot tubs that we were nearly late picking up Tawn from the airport. While Cyn I had a lovely relaxing morning, Tawn was running on little sleep and dealing with late connecting flights. Poor thing. After we picked up Tawn we spent a little bit of time shopping and then got on the road to Yuma.

Sunday was spent doing to normal Sunday routine at Grandma's house and then Tawn and I started moving boxes in to my new condo. We were super efficient and finished with all the boxes by 5:00 p.m. That night we went to Ty and Shelly's for Imelda's graduation party. She is finally done with her Master's degree after a lot of sacrifices and hard work. The food was, as always, amazing! Carne asada and Mexican hot chocolate were the highlights of the meal for me.

Yesterday Tawn and I started off the day with a 4 mile run. My emotional state is a bit unbalanced right now which means daily hard core exercise is going to be the only thing that will save me from sinking into a dark hole. Even with the exercise I'm feeling down. I'm just forcing my way through the day right now and trying my best to keep unhappiness and self doubting out of my thoughts. There are better days ahead... just gotta get through the crappy ones. After the exercise we starting moving the rest of my things which happens to be A LOT! I have so much furniture! The condo is now full of all my things thanks to a phenomenal family effort! Grandpa requested that I wait until he is in Colorado before I think about moving again.

I've gotta finish out this work week and then I'm a free bird for a couple of weeks. Painting is definitely in order... I can handle white walls for a very short time before I start to feel like I might actually step off the edge of sanity.

Wow, it took me 3 hours to finish writing this blog and it's not even a masterpiece.

Monti the Jester

Monti the Jester, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Snowy Morning

I was peacefully asleep at 2 a.m. only to be awaken by Steve declaring that Cynthia and I should get up and look at the snow. In my experience, snow that is on the ground at 2 a.m. will still be there at 8 a.m. When I did finally get my bones out of bed, this is what I saw. Beautiful!

Our little cabin tucked away in the mountains

When we arrived in Colorado, this sweet little cabin was there to greet us. I slept on the bottom bunk and Steve took the loft because he tends to snore too much.

Kneaders... the greatest name ever.

Crescent & I met at Kneaders (delicious!) wearing pretty much the same outfit or at least the concept was the same which is ironic, seeing as how we are polar opposites on most things.

Conversation with a 5 year old

"I like your boots."
"You do??"
"Yeah. Are they new?"
"They are, in fact, quite new."
"Well, I like em."

At the top!

At the top!, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Exhilarating!!!

Deanna, Jeanette, Lucy, Moses and someone...

ORI group with their fearless leader, Moses, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

The girl on the left latched onto what she thought was a rock. It was a cactus instead. Bad news for the hand.

Moses and I

Moses and I, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

This was my second hike with Moses and his students. Next time I am bringing my own car and something to eat.

Peak sit'n

Peak sit'n, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it took us 4 1/2 hours to complete this hike. HUSTLE PEOPLE! HUSTLE!

Chocolate... pure bliss

Grandma Claudia is a Selfish Sinful Sydney Sundae eater.

After a lovely evening of the classics played by a true pianist, we found ourselves hovering over the infamous Sinful Sydney Sundae. Being the sanitary conscious one of the bunch, grandma slid her fair share (and some more) over to her side of the plate. I love her guiltless indulgences and the way a blissful smile creeps across her face at the sight of a piece of chocolate. Without a doubt, we share the same blood.

Letting Life Pass Me By

Lately Sundays have brought thoughts of Dow and all of her wonderfulness back to me. Before I even got out of my groggy state this morning images of her stirring the gravy before Sunday lunch came back to me. Why is it that some days the feeling of someone being missing is so strong and other times days can go by without so much as a thought in their direction? I'm ashamed of those days when my emotion is turned off and the only person I think about is myself. The day before Dow died I was planning on going to see her but instead I got busy and put it off for the next day that wasn't to be hers. The guilt still lingers even today because I realize I tend to live my life that way. Opportunities are passed by because of laziness. Valuable time spent with the people I love is wasted because of selfishness. I take for granted my family, my friends, my health, and the blessings in my life far too often. Today I will make an effort to jump on opportunity, to give my full attention to others and to be thankful for everything I have.

Walk and Wag

Cyn and Zula, Monti and I, & Lisa and Bitty at the Walk and Wag this morning. Dogs of every kind were out strutting their stuff to raise money for a new Humane Society building. (Check out Monti trying to get at Bitty)

yuck yuck yuck

Today has been hideous from the start and I'm about to break. The limit of what I can take has been surpassed letting me know that I have got trade my passive behaviors in for some provocativeness. The morning students have already sensed anger and frustration from my corner as well as the agency dude that called me Ms. Swanson. I am ugly inside and it's leaking out.

It's out!

This blog is for you, WanTawn. So, the secret is out. Mom and dad know that I've got a man. I'm sure I'll be getting a phone call or two inquiring as to whether I have my head on straight. Maybe I do ask for it. At least this is all my doing... there is no one to blame for introducing us. (Cynthia can breathe a sigh of relief) I have a sneaking suspicion that she caught some flak for the whole Gus situation because she introduced us. I'm quite uninspired to blog and about to fall off my chair from pure tiredness. Hope you are happy Tawn... I'll try to do better.

Let It Go!

Life is about choices. Who I want to be inside and out is almost entirely in my control. It is true that people can treat us bad, cut us down or even scar us but in the end the choice is ours whether or not the dark parts of someone else's heart cause ugliness to appear in our own life. Have you ever met an old person that has harbored every wrong doing that has ever been done to them? They walk around like a faulty battery leaking a bitter acid. They are no longer themselves. Instead they've morphed into the ugliness of others. How miserable is that?

I know that I really have not had to endure much hardship in my life and I know very little about what it feels like. One thing I am absolutely certain of is that if we aren't careful, we can easily become what we hate in another person or group of people by allowing ourselves to perseverate on the unfairness of what we've experienced.

disconnects

My all-knowing and wise mother has made it clear that all of my uneasiness stems from an extended disconnect from my inner-self. Apparently I need to get back in touch with my art and music. That I would agree with... my creative side has definitely suffered the last 3 years.

The shakes.

I am officially wonder woman today! I had a huge list in which I accomplished most everything. New brakes: check. New shoes: check. (that wasn't on the list) Pay bills: check. Gym visit: check.

For some reason I'm feeling rather on edge... could it be the endless amounts of coffee that I insist on pouring down my gullet everyday? I'd like to think coffee is the one thing that keeps me level. One thing is certain; I am addicted. Sondra introduced me to a old song dedicated to the wondrous cup o' jo that I'm seriously thinking about making my theme song.

Tonite the party (if you call 3 people getting together a party) is happening at Inca Lanes. Gotta get my game on. Jeanna has taught me well and when I actually focus on the toss, good things do happen! Thankfully I've gotten over the fact that everyone gets a grand view of my rear-end...

I've found 3 day weekends to be a necessity for my over-worked mind. Unfortunately, they've also reminded me of how uneventful my life really is. I'm already antsy and it's only Friday evening. Clearly there is something lacking in my life. What I wouldn't give for some consistency and clarity. An overwhelming need to move on from this town has engulfed me yet I know that a move isn't the complete answer to internal struggles. Problems and uncertainty have a way of catching up with you even if you've jumped an ocean or two. I say an ocean because Hawaii seems quite lovely and worry free; a utopia of peace and tranquillity and sudden clarity. I have a feeling that in a place of such beauty potential for despair looms. For now I shall be content. I shall relax. I shall enjoy what I have.

Chill'n with papa

Adorable Malia

Here is the latest picture of my adorable niece. My heart aches to see her grow up in pictures. What the heck am I doing so far away???

Life is so wonderful at the moment... not a thing to complain about.

Evils of the desert

Last night I encountered my first snake sighting. Up until this point I've just been running past millions of snake holes and hearing their warning rattle. I've gotta say that it was a bit unnerving seeing a real one. It was nearly dark out and I was running behind schedule so I still had about a half mile left to run. Thankfully I was looking down at the ground. If I hadn't been, I would have stepped right on a 3 foot snake. Snake expert I am not; therefore, I couldn't tell if it was a rattle snake or a side winder; either way, I'm almost 100% certain that it would hurt to get to close to it. My pace increased significantly after that and I started thinking about how ill prepared I am for snake encounters. In Minnesota we had garden snakes; not exactly dangerous although you would think they had the bite of death the way the northerners react to them. Anyway, I've never been taught what to do if you are struck. Do I try and suck the poison out? Then the poison would be in my mouth anyway right? Would I be able to make it out of the desert or would I croak right there? These are scary thoughts. You can bet your boots that I'll be learning something about this subject. Every time I set foot out in that desert I'm playing with fire.

One word: EXHAUSTED. Don't ask me anything. Not even if it's an incredibly easy question. My mind is shot. I know I'm done when I start talking to the student hoping they will understand better. WOW. Cres and I counted the classes that we interpret every week. The grand total comes to 27 classes. Basically we are going to class for 9 students.

All of that said, I LOVE my job. I really do. I just need a little more support than what I've got.

fancypants

fancypants, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Little Miss

pretty girl, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Today the little Miss is sporting the sweater I bought her. Adorable and extremely classy...

what a face!

what a face!, originally uploaded by nosnewsasil.

Her infamous attitude is coming out. I can't wait until Luke has two of these little tykes to deal with! :)

a bit of sad and mad

Tonight I've been amazed at how the simple things make life so much better. The sunset across the desert was blazing orange surrounded by bright pink wisps of clouds. It reminded me of an old 80's beach towel that we used to have at home that I absolutely loved in spite it's thread bareness and ineffectiveness. Brings back memories of late nights spent on the lake when everything was so much simpler. Standing out in the middle of the desert surrounded by beauty that cannot be duplicated by man's hands was soothing and unsettling at the same time. I was hit with the realization that I am very much so alone.

I finally met Katie in a very unofficial way. Running on treadmills next to each other isn't exactly meeting her. I can't even explain the anger and sadness that hit me. Not anger at her; sadness for her and anger for him. Once again, I'm surprised at the amount of emotion that I seem to have saved up for situations like these. This brings up the question: Will I ever truly be finished so that I won't feel anything when I see him or something related to him? Guess not... it's mine to deal with. I'm not tortured by it; just saddened every time.

travels

I'm itching to take a major vacation out of the country. It's become an obsession over the weekend. I was hit with the realization that I haven't really been out of the U.S. First up on my list is Greece & Turkey. Some of my Mesaba friends have been to Turkey and absolutely loved it. I've got to do this before something disastrous happens like marriage... that seems to kill any sort of adventure or spontaneity. So, here is a list of the top 10 places I want to see:

1. Greece/Turkey
2. Croatia
3. Thailand
4. Norway
5. Brazil
6. Peru
7. Spain
8. Italy
9. India
10. Germany

My mother is going to have something to say about a few of them... I can hear it now.

family observations

I'm going to be an aunt again!! This isn't recent headline news. I've known for awhile. My brother called to tell me that the new one is "a dude".

Last night I was thinking about how vastly different my life is from my brother's life. Any sort of commonality that we shared in the past dissolved the minute he got married. Not that we really shared any interests before that anyway. We spent the first 18 years of our lives together and I dare say that we don't even know each other. Maybe it's the silent Norwegian in us that kills an open line of communication. The silence suites me just fine... I guess we just can't crack each other's shells to figure out what is really going on with us.

public speaking fears

I can't believe that I am back at work. Last week felt like one long continuous workday. My job requires me to be up in front of people everyday and I'm totally fine with that as long as I am working. The minute I have to stand up in front of a crowd without my flying fingers to hide behind, I succumb to stage fright. Ridiculous; I know. So Saturday, I had to speak to about 150 football players being held hostage by their coaches in a theater. They weren't there because they couldn't wait to hear what I had to say. It was out of obligation that they found themselves plunked in front of me. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would bust right out of me. I plunged through it with an expression that had fear written all over it.

After the stress of that, I went out and had coffee with the girls... it's been so long! Stef was the amazing coffee organizer and now that she's gone it's kind of gone by the wayside. With a sufficient amount of espresso down the hatch, I headed to John's house for some delectable dining. Once again, I have to say that I live a charmed life. Lisa & John, as a kitchen combo, beat out every restaurant in town.

Last night ended with a Sinful Sydney Sundae... Life doesn't get better than this.

It's all in who you know

I live a charmed life. I'm convinced of it. After spending excessive amounts of time searching for a decently priced hotel in San Diego we came to the conclusion that we would be spending our nights parked in a Walmart parking lot in the buggie. Two hundred dollars for a Motel 6 just didn't seem right. Long story short, Cyn pulled some strings and we ended up crashing at John's condo Friday night and then staying at Lisa's brother's house Saturday night... FREE!

Friday: 1:30 p.m. We arrived at Mission Beach to join the masses of beach goers and immediately scored a front row parking space while the people walking by us have just lugged their coolers across five crowded parking lots and three different intersections. A charmed life, I say.

5:00 p.m. Bill & Maxine invited us to join them for grilling at Ski Beach. After a delicious feast that included homemade ice cream, we hopped in the boat for a sunset cruise around Mission Bay. Who's spoiled?

9:00 p.m. We crashed the party at John's. Perfect way to end the day.

Saturday: Caro called so we met her at Horton's Plaza for breakfast and some shopping. I couldn't believe that it had been 3 1/2 years since I had seen her! BCBG had a fantastic sale going on. Sadly enough, it wasn't fantastic enough for my budget. One day...

With our shopping fix taken care of, we headed for the Fish Market expecting to have to wait at least 30 minutes if we were lucky enough to get a parking spot within a mile of the restaurant, however; being charmed makes things a lot easier. Parking spaces magically appear and restaurant lines disappear. We practically walked into the restaurant without having to stop until we reached our table (outside overlooking the water-glorious!) Caro paid which was ultra-sweet of her. After the delectable meal of smoked fish for me and shrimp & scallops them (eww), we jumped on a rickshaw to SeaPort Village. After a short stint there we said goodbye to Caro and headed back to the car. Here's where the charmed part of my life ends... a parking ticket. Sick.

The beach was calling our name again so we headed to pacific beach with Lisa. Swam, sunned ourselves, and tried to avoid jelly fish. That evening we went to an amazing Indian restaurant in Hillcrest and gorged ourselves unintentionally. That night John bought us tickets to The Comedy Store in La Jolla so we met up with everyone there for a few laughs. (and some yawns too)

Sunday: Farewell to Jeanna which is always my least favorite part of friends being on vacation.

Today is the start of the interpreting insanity. A fabulous combination of a headache and an ear ache have showed up to make the day a bit more challenging. Oh well, life goes on.

Currently: Creatively zapping away 10 hours a day
August 20: Flying fingers furiously working

Rain

Today started out by way oversleeping, rounding up Monti from his gleeful morning gallivanting, dropping peanut butter toast on my skirt, running into rain half way to work just to find out that the wiper blades on my buggy are completely shot and then trudging up the hill to work two coffees in hand and getting soaked. Perfect day for a white shirt. All that said, the day has been decent. The pleasantness of the day can be attributed to the fact that this is one of the 3 days a year I have the opportunity to see rain, hear thunder and feel what it's like to be outside of the oven.

Apparently I am incapable of keeping food and drink off of my clothes today. Peanut butter on the skirt and as of 2 seconds ago, coffee dribbled down the front of my nice white shirt. Lovely.

healing power of chocolate

I am struggling through a 10 hour day at work thanks to the grip that reality TV has on me. The extra caffeine kick (peanut M&M's) at 11:30 p.m. didn't help either. Self control? Never even heard of that or so one would think.

In an attempt to ease the things weighing heavy on my mind, Jeanna and I headed in to town for some shopping therapy. Just a temporary fix but so worth it! I've got to accept the fact that this will be another trip through the all too familiar process of remembering, reliving, forgiving and moving on. It can be done and I will do it.

Most of my family seems to think that I'm caught up in pessimism and that I'll fly through the NIC as though I was born interpreting. How can I explain that it's not about believing in myself; it's about good interpreting and bad. I definitely succeeded at the latter. Oh well, I can attempt to explain myself til I'm blue in the face... for now I'll take Ty up on his bet and wait for the ominous month of October to either make me $100 richer or make me a very surprised and relieved certified interpreter.

The lovely Laura just slipped me a decandent dark chocolate bar with raspberry from Dean & Deluca. What problems? What heartache? The world is right again... as long as the chocolate lasts.

Me? A blogger???

So, about this blogging thing... why do I feel the need to do this? Self expression is great; however, the written word tends to be an outlet for anger and ugliness for me... not really something that I would want anyone else to read. Here I am a decade behind the first to take the blogging plunge with so many reservations that I doubt my blogging will evolve much past what it is in the here and now. Who knows...

Thursday at last!

5:00 a.m. : Definitely a 'sweet spot' in my sleep cycle and the exact time the alarm went off. An overly ambitious guest in my house was up and ready for a morning jog through the endless desert. I almost convinced myself that I needed the extra sleep and then remembered mi amiga Imelda was making enchiladas tonight. No doubt about it; I must move this body in order to guiltlessly indulge in the p.m.