Let It Go!

Life is about choices. Who I want to be inside and out is almost entirely in my control. It is true that people can treat us bad, cut us down or even scar us but in the end the choice is ours whether or not the dark parts of someone else's heart cause ugliness to appear in our own life. Have you ever met an old person that has harbored every wrong doing that has ever been done to them? They walk around like a faulty battery leaking a bitter acid. They are no longer themselves. Instead they've morphed into the ugliness of others. How miserable is that?

I know that I really have not had to endure much hardship in my life and I know very little about what it feels like. One thing I am absolutely certain of is that if we aren't careful, we can easily become what we hate in another person or group of people by allowing ourselves to perseverate on the unfairness of what we've experienced.

disconnects

My all-knowing and wise mother has made it clear that all of my uneasiness stems from an extended disconnect from my inner-self. Apparently I need to get back in touch with my art and music. That I would agree with... my creative side has definitely suffered the last 3 years.

The shakes.

I am officially wonder woman today! I had a huge list in which I accomplished most everything. New brakes: check. New shoes: check. (that wasn't on the list) Pay bills: check. Gym visit: check.

For some reason I'm feeling rather on edge... could it be the endless amounts of coffee that I insist on pouring down my gullet everyday? I'd like to think coffee is the one thing that keeps me level. One thing is certain; I am addicted. Sondra introduced me to a old song dedicated to the wondrous cup o' jo that I'm seriously thinking about making my theme song.

Tonite the party (if you call 3 people getting together a party) is happening at Inca Lanes. Gotta get my game on. Jeanna has taught me well and when I actually focus on the toss, good things do happen! Thankfully I've gotten over the fact that everyone gets a grand view of my rear-end...

I've found 3 day weekends to be a necessity for my over-worked mind. Unfortunately, they've also reminded me of how uneventful my life really is. I'm already antsy and it's only Friday evening. Clearly there is something lacking in my life. What I wouldn't give for some consistency and clarity. An overwhelming need to move on from this town has engulfed me yet I know that a move isn't the complete answer to internal struggles. Problems and uncertainty have a way of catching up with you even if you've jumped an ocean or two. I say an ocean because Hawaii seems quite lovely and worry free; a utopia of peace and tranquillity and sudden clarity. I have a feeling that in a place of such beauty potential for despair looms. For now I shall be content. I shall relax. I shall enjoy what I have.

Chill'n with papa

Adorable Malia

Here is the latest picture of my adorable niece. My heart aches to see her grow up in pictures. What the heck am I doing so far away???